yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
