when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
