apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
NoShamevember. You game?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
