if you like me you must not know who I am
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Randomize
