This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
