Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
