wake up i wanna do it froggy style
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize