I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
