And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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