Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
