don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
birth control should be required to get into college
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
