Kareoke will never be a sober sport
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
