the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
