YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
