I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
