He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
