i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
