Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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