you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
