I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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