I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
false alarm, still single
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
