Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
