My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
