my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
