so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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