How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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