i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Randomize
