I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize