did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
