i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
