you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I need water and some morals
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
