Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
