Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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