i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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