is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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