I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
