I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
