Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize