Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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