You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
