im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
