Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize