So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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