just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
