My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize