Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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