just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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