is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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