also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
