I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
