I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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