Apparently you make a good broom.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
