Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
