Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
i believe in u and ur pee
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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