then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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