Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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