Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I can't trust your balls anymore.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
He did a backflip because drugs
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
