It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize