My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
