never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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