Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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