I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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