im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
we're making bets on your personal life
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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