I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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