Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I cut my penus on the lid.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Randomize
