i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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