I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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