It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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