Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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