That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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