Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
