So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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