I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
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