So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I wish i was in the wii world.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
