WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
