It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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