this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
