I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
