Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
