I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
