this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
