Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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