so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
