Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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