I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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