Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
