She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
