Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
