Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
