I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
