Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
