Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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