There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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